Isolation

§ 2019-12-31 00:52:45

[00:53] A sharp pain woke Baishar in the middle of the day; not that the light of the Den betrayed as much. It took him an eternal instant to locate it – a sensation like a knife's blade dragging against the back of his eye socket. His augmented vision screamed starlight at him, letting it culminate into a rapidly blinding white, undeterred by eyes that squeezed shut instantly.

In rhythm with his heartbeat, the pain twisted through his bones like a corkscrew; metal pushed past his eyelids, curving back against his brow and cheek as it grew from its vile seed; something gave a hideous crack that resonated through his entire body.

Automatically, his forepaws had grasped the parasite as it ate its way through his skull, now trying to budge a grip that felt as though it had fused with the bone, unrelenting. A kaleidoscope of sensations lashed through him, a confused, disembodied collection of impressions.

Then he could feel it – the claws of the Imitorunyema that his augmentation had become curving against the inside of his skull, devouring his mind even as the flimsy realisation that it was happening held fast—

It wasn't the shock of it that woke Baishar from his dream. It was Tanak's grip, plucking him from the Den's pillows like a ripe fruit, holding him by the scruff of his neck, making it almost impossible to twist around enough to defend himself with his claws or teeth. His eye was fine, but the emotion of visceral terror remained – an instinct, a horror: The Nayabaru were dismantling the project.

"You're coming with me," Tanak grinned, entertained by the reflexive writhing Baishar's body wrought. Or Baishar's traitorous thoughts had been uncovered. Ryrha, perhaps, had just been a ruse – Valcen's eyes, Valcen's ears, a booby-trap like the one that had paralysed him before his merciful Alignment.

No time to breath. No time to recupercate. One imagined existential threat, replaced by the threat of perpetual torment – except this one was real.

A Nayabaru's gait was considerably wider than a kavkem's; the architectural landscape of Katal changed all too quickly around him. Up, to the Pens. Up, to the level of the Infirmary. Up, anywhere that wasn't the safety of their basement sanctuary.

Where is Valcen? Where is Ryrha?

A room he's never seen before, looming. Tanak's weapon-bearing arm, pressing elbow and wrist against an unlocked door. A table, scattered plants, the same relentless bright light as in the corridors.

And the Karesejat, large enough that four of her limbs draped across the circular table as that the room might accommodate her.

Tanak dropped Baishar with a bit of a forward motion, almost throwing him – imparting enough momentum that Baishar couldn't simply counter the motion in a second to scramble backwards and out of the room. Before he could fully try, Tanak receded with professional efficiency – and the door closed.

[01:57] Baishar's immediate reaction to being tossed into a room with Havnateh Terenyira was to skitter into a halt, then turn and bolt for the door — just in time for it to slam in his face. "No!" he cried out, clawing madly at the door in the hopes he might find some purchase with his blunted claws. Let me out. Please let me out, Tanak. Please don't trap me in here with Her.

His mind was still addled from his terrifying awakening; the nightmare he'd left behind fusing with the one he'd awoken into. She's going to carve out my soul. A reason why didn't even strike him as necessary — she was a Havnateh. That was reason enough. Maybe Valcen's Imitorunyema project needed a second test, and he was chosen as the victim. After all, soon enough he wouldn't be necessary for reproduction any more, and Valcen had no more need of him — or Terenyira had no more need to let Valcen have him.

[02:06] "Calm yourself," the Karesejat spoke, although with a dispassionate tone, rather than with any soothing inflection. "I would simply like to have a conversation." The syllables of the last word came perfectly delineated, like the bullets from a gun. "Although, to be strictly fair, should you make that too difficult, know I may change my mind."

She had shifted subtly, moving with an alien, horrendous grace, easing herself a little further across the table. It was unnecessary, a simple threatening gesture – one leap and she could be upon him. One strike was all it took to ensnare him, to trap him first in paralysis, then a web that would bind his fate to her whim forever.

And yet she wanted a conversation? It seemed impossibly mundane, like a narrative trap that she was simply entertaining herself with while watching his panicked scramble against the door.

[05:01] The first thought at the word 'conversation' was to cry out that he had nothing to say to the Karesejat; that he had no desire to speak with her and would probably rather suffer at the whims of the Hesha than spend another minute in her presence. Her addendum was enough to curtail that thought. Know I may change my mind. Know that she may decide to end any hope he had of mattering, or of anything like freedom, if he doesn't cooperate.

It felt like a trap. No, it was a trap. He was certain it was. That he couldn't see how it was only reassured him that he was walking right into one.

Hesitantly, he lowered his hands from the door. This is a mistake. You are making a mistake right now. He closed his eyes, willing himself to focus through the multiple layers of terror. It didn't matter whether he looked at her or not; she could trap him forever regardless of what he did.

"A conversation," he repeated softly, as if confirming it could ward off her evil for a little while. "Why?" The question was frayed with terror at the edges. "And why me?" What have I done to earn your attention?

[05:15] "Oh, come on," Terenyira reasoned conversationally. "You're Valcen's assistant and you know that Valcen is a precious asset to me. Surely you might have expected my interest in someone who is intimately close with Valcen? Indeed, I also intend to speak to Ryrha individually, and ultimately to Valcen.

"I understand given my reputation I won't hear depictions free of the taint of prejudice, but I might at least gather different, interesting perspectives."

Perspectives that might let her control Valcen more efficiently? Perspectives that might let her get Valcen-za out of captivity? Or perspectives that might help damn Baishar and Ryrha to a life as failed experiments in Nayabaru generosity?

"This is both personal curiosity about the project status, stability and viability and, hopefully, useful data when mediating between Valcen and the Nayabaru," she elaborated, the opaque, broad narrative hiding potentially horrific details.

She still hovered mostly across the table, like a hideous sculpture, taking up much more of the room than anyone had a right to, making Baishar feel as though his options to move had been strictly curtailed. Purely objectively, there was quite a lot of room to move – but if he did move, he might yet attract the attention of the predator in the room.

§ 2020-01-01 17:35:51

[17:35] For an answer to his question, it all felt deliberately vague. 'Useful data when mediating between Valcen and the Nayabaru'? What did that actually mean? What was this really about? Valcen-za's imprisonment? The project? Or some other scheme of the Karesejat's?

He had to get out of here. This was not a conversation he should be having; he couldn't operate at the level she was playing at. Speaking to her felt like a mistake, like it was giving her exactly what she wanted. Valcen, please help. "...There's nothing I could tell you about the project that you wouldn't hear from Valcen," he replied as calmly has he could manage, clearly grasping at straws.

[18:07] "And yet you will," Terenyira commented, as though the future in which he spoke to her was inescapable and transparent to her. But rather than wait for him to speak, she began to draw herself forward, across the furniture, as though she wanted to get just close enough to cut off his ability to run as much as around the room with her limbs.

"You've been remarkably loyal to Valcen so far," she observed as she moved. "And I have no reason to doubt your intelligence. Yet I must assume you know both the full scope of what he is doing for the Nayabaru and, indeed, what he has done to you. I am sure some of latter is what drives your diligence, but certainly not all. Tell me, why do you support Valcen?"

[18:47] The motion drove a fresh spike of fear into his gut, wrenching his attention fully onto the looming, approaching spider. Instincts fought each other, run! competing against hold still! There was nowhere to run to, though. The only exit was sealed, and Terenyira was simply going to make his life a living Tkanala.

It contrasted with the conversation, which in tone sounded exceedingly casual. Like interrogating an old friend. The mention of 'what he has done to you' hit its mark. She knows what he did. A moment later he realized his naivete: She was the Karesejat, of course she knew everything that happened in Katal.

The question gave him significant pause. Why do I support Valcen? The prospect of doing anything else felt wrong; but the question struck at everything he'd been agonizing over since the Netami incident. He doesn't love me. He's dangerous, he's terrifying, he's mangled the minds of ryrhakenema.

He was also the closest Baishar had ever come to immortality. And he'd promised that things would get better. Was that also a lie? No, no, he had to believe that was true. It was too important.

"Because he's going to stop you." The reply was much less defiant than he'd wanted, more terrified, more like a desperate clinging to a half-believed truth. "I know you know this. I don't know how, or when, but he will." He squeezed his eyes shut, half-expecting her to attack him for his audacity.

[19:10] A synthetic chuckle surfaced from Terenyira, even as the tips of her forelimbs touched against the walls to Baishar's left and right – with enough distance to leave him ample room, but unmistakable in subtext, regardless. You're trapped. You're not getting out of here, no matter what you try.

"I understand you think so and I don't mean to mock your belief," Terenyira commented, still conversational in tone, as though she weren't so much as capable of feeling offended by the notion. "But you should know that I heard a strikingly similar prediction only a few of your lifetimes ago – that Valcen would destroy me.

"She was quite wrong – I destroyed Valcen instead. She even helped me do it. Now, what do you make of that?"

[21:30] Baishar shuddered at the revelation. The last person to say this helped you destroy Valcen. He shrunk in on himself, feeling increasingly cornered by the Karesejat's motions. "I'm not going to help you," he replied, voice only slightly louder than a whisper. "You're trying to trick me."

[21:58] Terenyira was harrowingly quiet for a moment, her exoskeleton revealing none of her private thoughts. If a storm was brewing under that chitinous exterior, Baishar couldn't tell it apart from harmless, sincere contemplation. The voice that finally coalesced from her depths was warm with mirth: "I naturally always am. It would be very remiss of me if I weren't."

One limb's tip whispered a gentle path along the surface of the wall, reaching toward Baishar to touch his neck. "Though your opinions on Valcen still interest me, regardless. You clearly trust him to deliver and bring you some kind of salvation; yet trust is such a precious commodity. Would you still trust him if he did not look like a kavkem?"

§ 2020-01-04 22:24:35

[22:24] Baishar immediately jerked away as the limb brushed against his neck, his heartbeat hammering in his chest. She's going to torture me forever. She's going to lock me away and fill my veins with poison, and there's nothing I can do about it. And yet the promised torment didn't come. It was just more conversation.

Would he trust Valcen if he didn't look like a kavkem? Honestly, he wasn't completely sure — but only because he wasn't completely sure he trusted Valcen in his current state. It was one more step removed from kavkema, one more way that he could shed what empathy he still had.

But what difference did the shape of Valcen's body make? He wasn't going to turn into a Nayabaru. He wasn't going to turn into the Karesejat. "I see no reason for that to change anything," he replied. Why are you cooperating with her? She's already said she's trying to trick you. She's the most dangerous being on the planet. You shouldn't be helping her.

[02:19] The limb he'd jerked away from followed after him in a gentler motion, sliding under his jaw to raise his muzzle ever so slightly. "Yet appearances are narratively powerful – I'm sure any one of your ryrhakenema would agree," she observed. "They appear automatically even in fragments of stories that are told.

"For example, did you know the lady I spoke of had the form of a kavkem? No doubt you did, though I barely as much as introduced her; indeed, I revealed nothing of her species, but I am quite positive you guessed correctly. What does that tell you about appearances?" Who is more dangerous: The spider or the god pretending to look like you?

And while she mercifully did not seem to be pressing the matter yet, the burning question remained: Who helped destroy Valcen? And why? It the obvious question, which meant he could not possibly allow himself to ask it.

[02:58] This time, the limb's motion prompted a different reaction — Baishar froze in place, his breath caught in his chest. Don't move or she'll strike. It was all he could do not to whimper in terror.

One piece of the Karesejat's story stuck out like a sore thumb — this mysterious person 'had the form of a kavkem'. Not 'was a kavkem'. With all the talk of appearances it was hard not to focus on that little detail. She looked like a kavkem but wasn't one. What does that mean?

But then what was she? A fellow Havnateh? She predicted that Valcen would destroy the Karesejat, but helped her destroy Valcen instead? Why? How? Was she also tricked by the Karesejat?

I don't understand what's happening here, a part of him realized. Why is she talking to me? Why is she telling me this? What is she trying to achieve? The uncertainty merged with the unease in his gut. I'm being manipulated, and I don't even know how.

[03:15] Baishar chose to the only safe option – silence. It was an unpleasant obstacle to the Karesejat's prying. Valcen, of course, could crack open Baishar's skull like an eggshell if he pleased, but the Karesejat was not Valcen – she knew much of his contraptions, but she had no current means of interacting with the interface.

Indeed, she had no real interest in acquiring that ability – as long as Valcen was loyal to the Nayabaru, he could play that role. No doubt she could even easily get him to take a look at Baishar's mind, but as long as he was the filter between what he saw and what he chose to communicate, that wouldn't help in this particular case.

[03:16] Isn't it strange how the access to technology makes one lazy? Inwardly, she smiled at herself and the hint of impatience that had brought on the train of thought in the first place.

Time to be less lazy.

"Do you think you're helping Valcen?" the Karesejat asked conversationally.